10:46 IST
The Parents' Room, Inderpuri
New Delhi, India
You fucking wank. What are you good at anyway? Procrastination. Yes. You procrastinate. All this bull shit about your internal world, and all these people that exist in your internal world, and all the talks you have with yourself in your head out in public for the world to see - this is procrastination. You complain. You whine. You criticize. Yourself and the world around you. You complain that you can't be a part of anything. But in reality, you DON'T want to be a part of anything. Dadi can you please stop shouting on the phone! You don't want to do anything. You're a lazy bum. You just want to imagine yourself working really hard. That's it. You're running after this image of a hard working person, without having to work really hard. You're just like everybody else. No different. A lazy fucker.
And yeah, you want sex. Lots of it. Fierce and fiesty. That plays on your mind all the time too.
You can't even tell the man you have always loved that you have always loved him. He is a real existing piece of shit. A friend. Why can't you tell him? Because I'm not sure what I want from him. Sex? Yeah but not just that. I don't want a relationship. Not at this point. I can't look to him to save me. Only I can save me. I'm volatile around him. Unsure of myself. Unable to look at him in the eyes. Its abnormal, this behaviour for me. I'll tell him though. At some point. He's a friend. He's busy. He's doing great things. I don't want to disturb that.
The Parents' Room, Inderpuri
New Delhi, India
You fucking wank. What are you good at anyway? Procrastination. Yes. You procrastinate. All this bull shit about your internal world, and all these people that exist in your internal world, and all the talks you have with yourself in your head out in public for the world to see - this is procrastination. You complain. You whine. You criticize. Yourself and the world around you. You complain that you can't be a part of anything. But in reality, you DON'T want to be a part of anything. Dadi can you please stop shouting on the phone! You don't want to do anything. You're a lazy bum. You just want to imagine yourself working really hard. That's it. You're running after this image of a hard working person, without having to work really hard. You're just like everybody else. No different. A lazy fucker.
And yeah, you want sex. Lots of it. Fierce and fiesty. That plays on your mind all the time too.
You can't even tell the man you have always loved that you have always loved him. He is a real existing piece of shit. A friend. Why can't you tell him? Because I'm not sure what I want from him. Sex? Yeah but not just that. I don't want a relationship. Not at this point. I can't look to him to save me. Only I can save me. I'm volatile around him. Unsure of myself. Unable to look at him in the eyes. Its abnormal, this behaviour for me. I'll tell him though. At some point. He's a friend. He's busy. He's doing great things. I don't want to disturb that.
